Imagine having six days to yourself without being “Mom The Maid.” No more cleaning up after the kids, doing their laundry, or putting their school bags and toys away.
Jessica Stilwell is a mother of three who was in the news when she went on strike.
In less than a month, her kitchen could be mistaken as a science project, and her house is now decorated with dirty clothes. But she has also taught her children a valuable lesson in life and given hope to all parents who are tired of their kids never lifting a hand.
We do our children a disservice by doing things for them they could do themselves.
Why should they even try? We also sow seeds for entitlement in children who expect to get spoiled and indulged. Is this what the future spouse of your child wants?!
Positive parenting encourages parents to be both compassionate and firm. This allows parents to hold their children to realistic standards while being loving and empathic.
The good news is you don’t have to go on strike to teach your child accountability- that’s what Positive Parenting is all about. Before you and your neighbors form a picket, use these tried-and-true strategies.
Four Strategies for Raising Responsible Children
1. Decide what you will (and won’t) do
You can only control yourself, not your children.
You could, for example, decide to do the laundry but not beg them every day to bring their dirty clothes. Offer to pack lunches for school each day but refuse to search the house looking for lost lunchboxes and scrub out the mushy remnants of the banana from Friday. You will cook dinner, but you won’t have to make sure everyone’s dishes are in the dishwasher.
When laundry day comes, and your teenager’s favorite jeans don’t appear in the hamper, do not give in. Tell her that you will be happy to wash the jeans next week as long as she puts them in the hamper. If she wants to pass them herself, then let her know.
2. Take Notice of Your Children
Jessica did not follow this step, which left a mess that her children had to clean for two days.
Before implementing your new rules for your family, make sure that your children understand them. Have your kids repeat the consequences if your rules are not followed.
You can make it a rule in your family that you only wash the items that are in the laundry room on Wednesdays or Saturdays. Pack lunches when clean and empty; lunchboxes appear on the shelf of the pantry. Cook dinner when the counter is clean, clear, and ready to work.
3. Use Logical Consequences
The logical consequences are the ones that directly relate to your family rule. If your child doesn’t pick up their toys, do not send them to ” Time Out.” There is no direct correlation.
Tell your children that toys left on the floor for three days will be put in a box that is off-limits. Your son will be responsible for packing a lunch if he goes in his backpack with his lunchbox all weekend. If mom is unable to cook dinner because everyone’s dishes are on the counter, the kids can help. Or they can contribute towards healthy takeout.
4. Be a role model
Stilwell was able, at the end of her experiment, to show her children how the kids had left every bit of dirt in the house. Mom and Dad were the ones who kept the house clean. Follow every rule that you establish as a family to teach your children the same lesson. Your children will notice whether you adhere to the rules or not.
Final Thoughts
What is the key to these strategies? Always follow through.
Stop intervening, and let your children experience the consequences of the choices they make. It won’t hurt their health if they have to go without their favorite Batman toys or wear dirty gym clothes for an hour. But it will make them clean up!
I know that parenting is hard. After 15+ years of being a parent educator, I have found that the only difference between parents who are overwhelmed and confident parents is knowledge.
Parents’ lives can be completely transformed when they are provided with tools that actually work